The UPS and DOWNS

Isn't he cute?!?!?!


Being back in America has had its both ups and downs.

Starting with the ups:

-As soon as I got off the plane in Jacksonville, Florida I was greeted by my sister and baby Henry :).

-This is my 4th day in America, and it has all consisted of chillin with my sis garrison and neph which has been awesome!

- We have been seeing soo many fun things. Going to the beach, walking the parks, drinking really good coffee, watching movies, going to the flea market, just staring into Henry's big blue eyes and making him laugh... Allie's new one with him, that got him into full on laughing last night while giving him his nightly bath was, "Who has stinky neck cheese?! Henry has stinky neck cheese!"(In a high pitched voice :P).And he has also just started to learn how to do rasberries. He was blowing big ones to my mom on the phone yesterday, and now Allie has to get a new one due to too much spit. haha jk. But she does need a new one pretty badly :P.


Such a good looking little family :)

-I got to celebrate Allie's First Mother's Day with her :D. Seeing how much Allie loves Henry only gets me praying that I can love my future kids in the way that she does with Henry.

-It has also been really nice to just simply chill and sleep off the jet lag.

- American food has tasted soo good all the time, even PB & J's. In Africa we got American food as a treat, so it feels as if I am eating treats for every meal :).

-I don't have to be extra careful of boda bodas running me over while running...
-I am taking real showers..with hot water these days
-There is so much access to SOFT toilet paper or actually toilet paper in general that I don't know what to do with.

Time for the Downs:



Uganda border coming back from our trip to Rwanda

- Like said above, eating American food has been all really good tasting but...what can I say other than that its American food. ITS NOT REAL :P. In Africa, my stomach got used to eating bread containing three ingrediants verses the kind I had for lunch today which has at least 20... (What the heck is Azodicarbonamide? I am eating that and I don't know what that is! Scary haha.) And for more information, maybe too much, it seems to be been going out the other end as soon as it goes in :P. FUN.

- It has been really hard to be present with my sis and neph as I have been so exhausted, and readjusting to American life, and missing Africa. I didn't think it would be this hard.Plus it makes me feel bad as I have such limited days here with them.

- realizing that I am out of shape after running what would usually be a normal run yet feel sore from it the next day.

-Not being able to be with my mom on Mother's Day for the fist time. :(

-Being faced with soo many more choices than in Africa causes my brain to overload.


Even baby sunglasses are still too big for Henry

Sorry to end on the downs, but really all in all as each day is going along, I feel myself readjusting more and more and I am really looking forward to going home and seeing the fam.

But for now, I still have two whole days with my sis and neph that I want to be completely present with, as I don't know when I will get to see them next.

*Thank you for all of your guys prayers during my time away and I can't wait to see you all!

A First Time For Everything :)

Dear mommy,

I am soo glad that you are my mother.You r the best mom I hav EVER had and the best mother in the hole world even tho you kiss me way too much. I luv you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. Happy Mothers Day mommy!

-Henry

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox




Happy Mother's Day Allie!!!

Time stops...but life keeps on going...

Schedule:

We leave for Rwanda in about 2 hours and adventure on a 16 hour bus ride. I am looking forward to seeing and learning more about this country as my first time learning about Rwanda was through watching the film 'Hotel Rwanda'.

We come back after 10 days, and then have a few days of debrief in Entebbe.

If the skys are clear, we will be flying out I think on the 5th of May? London, to DC where a few of us stay the night in the airport. OH BOY! Never done that before.

..and shortly after that, jet leg and all...I fly to Savannah, Georgia.

I get to meet my little nephew Henry who just turned 3 months for the first time!!! And see Allie and Garrison whom I haven't seen in quite a long while either. A whole 10 days in Georgia with my nephew, sister, and brother in law. Sounds good to me :).

I hope my readjusting to American life and food and jet leg doesn't get too much in the way of spending time with them.

After a good 10 days, I then fly back to my home. Little Oak Harbor. Or actually Sea Tac airport, where I am hoping to meet my family, ..and Jessica :)

Upon arriving home sweet home.- Oak harbor, WA. Puget Sound. The Ocean 5 min away. Mom. Dad. Lindsey. Stevie. Carly.- Home. We are celebrating lots as it will be mother's day, Lindsey's birthday, my mom's birthday, and a farewell to Lindsey as she leaves for an internship in PA. Crazy! But a lot to look forward too.

I hope all is well for everyone! I can't wait to see you all :)

Hello Goodbye

It seems like it was just a few days ago that I said hello for the first time to my Ugandan host family and now today was the day that I had to say goodbye. But I pray that todays goodbye was not goodbye forever.

At the end of the journal that NCU friends filled with encouraging notes and gave to me before leaving for Africa,Bethany quotes the words of her mission's Coordinator in Spain upon her last week abroad:

"The end is always better than the begining, because something has to come to an end in order for something new to begin."
-Julie Ann Brandt

This morning we leave for Rwanda at 5am. It is 3 am right now...no sleep today. But 16 hours of sitting in a bus will allow for some good down time.






Today while holding Dorcus for the last time, I whispered to her, "Dorcus, can you promise me that you will never forget me?" and as the little parrot that she is, she whispered back in the same tone, "Yah". I was then able to leave in peace knowing that she will remember me. Yet,then again, when walking back from church one day,with her riding on my shoulders, I asked her if she would like a big piece of my grandma's apple pie and scoop vanilla ice cream when we arrived home and she gave the same answer :P. Hmm pie and Goodbyes...pretty much on the same level.

Dorcus, there is no way that I could forget you.



The last day at home in Uganda started off well as i got a morning call from my REAL American :P mom and dad. Parents voices are of course always so soothing, but there is nothing like hearing them when in a whole world away. And My mom got to speak to my Ugandan mom :). Bitter sweet day. I am excited to come home, but also love it here so much that its hard to leave...and it only feels like we are counting down the days til the semester is officially over. :(


My Ugandan parents both went off to work so it was a fun hang out day with the siblings and eat matoke for breakfast, lunch and dinner as it was the last time that I was going to eat my mama's matoke, which is sooo good and better than any matoke I have had in Uganda. Probably because its fresh.

As my REAL siblings say, "Fresh from a chickens butt" when selling our chicken eggs, I would say that my mama's matoke is literally "Fresh from the plantain trees outside outside our back door." :)



As I leave...I can only pray that I can come back :).

What are you called to do?

We are faced with so many pressures to figure out what we are called to do in life. “What do you feel called to do?” we are asked. What will you do in your life? “I don’t know. I don’t know!” I always scream inside of myself. I just got out of an elective course called “Calling” as one of our last classes in Uganda :(. But it was literally one of the most eye opening to me.

I feel like this whole semester’s theme of learning for me has consisted of redefining my idea of what it means to follow God’s call in your life.

We read scriptures from Exodus 2:23; Judges 6 and 7; 1 Kings 18 and 19; Jonah 1; And Mark 2:13-17. These focused on Moses, Gideon, Elijah, and Jonah.


After reading each passage we were asked which one we identified with the most. After all responding, we were then asked how come we feel as if we could choose from the 4 main characters when there were thousands of people within each passage?


The big thing that has been revealed to me is that a lot of times we are often so quick to raise our hands to a big radical calling to go overseas and serve God full time, but if God were to call us to a season of something simple, like work at a small café for a season and faithfully love the people around us in that environment, would we still be so quick to raise our hands in obedience to this?


I honestly don’t know if I would be…Before coming to Africa, I saw myself working full time overseas and definitely wouldn’t mind living in a mud hut…but with new understanding on calling and a new definition of missions, my insight and pressure to “Find God’s call upon my life has changed.”


How hard is it really to “miss” God’s call? Jonah ran away, Moses doubted, Elijah felt too weak, Gideon needed many signs , …yet God still fulfilled his will within each of them. And personally, when faced with a season of deciding whether I was supposed to continue school or do YWAM and I chose YWAM, God still was able to turn my heart around in His direction of school…which thus led me to an awesome semester in Uganda :).

So would it be safe to say that a lot of times we are more afraid of obeying and trusting in God rather than missing His direct call for us?


We are simply called to follow God in the surrendering of our control and abandonment of self.


God’s call doesn’t ultimately focus on a calling to a certain time or place… but rather how we spend our time in between our calling to go.


The term “being called” to here or there has been tossed around so much. Yes, people are called to go places, however it leaves those who have not “felt called” to feel like less of a Christian. This then puts the pressure on Christians to “find their call” and take life in their own hands so they don’t sound dumb when asked what their calling is and can’t give a specific answer.



*Jesus calls us to love Him with all our hearts, minds, and souls, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. How am I doing this well in my everyday life?


As one of my many weaknesses has been spending a great deal of time worrying about my future, and how God was going to effectively use me, it has literally strangled me and kept me from life both in America, and at times in Africa. And currently as my major is quite broad as its Global Studies, I have no idea what I am going to do for my future…


As to worry literally means to strangle, I have realized that this is not the life that God wants of me and it must be daily surrendered so that I might not fall back into it as I so easily do. The following quote by Camp in the book called Mere Discipleship has helped me in my “efforts” to practice the surrendering of my will:


"Submit yourself to God…Life in Christ does not mean a white-knuckled determination to “do the right thing.” Very often “doing the right thing” flows neither from a love of God nor from a desire to see the will of God made manifest, but from a desire to exalt ourselves before God and humankind. “Doing the right thing” may flow more from fear than love-fear of shame, rejection, or abandonment, or fear of reprisal from the rebellious principalities and powers of the world. But prayer undercuts this desire for control of others, control of ourselves, and control of what others and God think of us." –Page 175

"In their desire for a “better country,” they did not yield to the temptation to be “effective” at all costs, to do “Whatever is necessary” to “make things come out right.” And because of such faith, “God is not ashamed to be called their God”-Hebrews 11:16 (Page 168)


As I am finishing up the semester, my prayer is that I can return to America and live this out.

Rafting and Jumping the Nile :)

This past weekend most of the USP clan all headed to Jinja to raft on the Nile rapids and bungee jump into the Nile waters.

It was great! The water was like bath water, so you weren't freezing everytime you jumped or got tossed in... The clouds against the bright blue sky were unreal, the sunburns on our faces and super white legs (due to wearing skirts all semester) are just now starting to blister :P... The rapids were extreme, I got caught under the boat a couple times, and there was even complementary beer at the end!! OH BOY WHAT A DAY!

The next morning was bungee jumping! I woke up, took a look at the 144 ft jump...and debated whether or not it was worth the 55 bucks...Long story short, I jumped! It was one of the most amazing feelings I have experienced in a long time :). I wasn't really that nervous. Standing on the edge..and not being able to touch the bar above me that kept you from falling too soon kind of worked my nerves up a bit though. I kept looking down at the Nile, and the guy kept saying, ok, you can stop looking down now. haha. It went as fast as a count to three from the worker guy, and a leap out into the air with out stretched arms. Free falling went by soo fast before I hit the water and was pulled back up. When you come back up you swing over the water for a bit before some rafters below pull you down and unhook you. It makes you feel as if you are a hostage being taken into custody :P. I would definately do it again.



Before jumping you sit in this seat at the tower where they wrap a towel around both of your feet, and binding them together through wraping the rope around the towel. I was thinking...sweet, a towel and rope is what will be keeping me from dying :P.




Wahoo for being short and not able to touch the bar :P




Oh...and we didnt drink the beer for those who were wondering. :P

Walking in whose shoes?

She asked me for help with her school fees. $150,000 shillings…about 75 dollars… I can’t give her money. She was crying, overwhelmed, and afraid that she wouldn’t be able to get the finances to go to school. The very thing that she had been waiting in anticipation for, as it took weeks for her test results to come in letting her know if she was accepted and what level she was eligible for. Now hearing the news that she was accepted, finances were now an issue.


When was the last time that I lost it out of hopelessness of $75.00? When have I felt helpless in a similar situation? I don’t think I really have… If I became broke, I know that I will always be able to call upon my parents or a close friend for a little help or loan. I don’t know what it’s like. I don’t know what it’s like to be faced with such responsibility as her parents were broke and struggling leaving her with no one to lean upon.


Why, when I hear an African asking for money, I only hear a needy cry? How come I only hear? How come it doesn’t lead me to compassion, but to only walk faster away from the begging with an assumption that they are only asking me because I am a ‘mzungu’ (rich white person)? How come I can’t really see? Because of the scales on my eyes I don’t see the tears behind the eyes flowing from a real broken heart… I don’t see the real reason why she was fighting them back hard… trying to remain strong.


A couple years ago I was at the place you go to get your license renewed (don’t remember the name) and I didn’t have the right amount of money for the license renewing. Long story short, I didn’t have enough gas in my car to drive all the way home, grab a dollar that I was short, and all the way back to the license place. And for just a dollar seemed ridiculous. So because of this, I decided to ask some of the people around me if they could spare me some change. At first I thought people wouldn’t mind handing off their loose change…especially it only being a dollar that I needed. However, I was wrong. Walking around the parking lot asking a few people sitting in their cars if they had a little bit of loose change to spare instantly aroused different emotions within me. The way they looked at me, and the tone of their voices as they told me no made me instantly feel looked down upon. And it didn’t help to have the ones who overheard me asking quickly roll up their windows to save themselves from this “little begger”. At that moment I so badly wanted to just explain myself. I wanted to shout out, “Hey, look I am not poor and I am usually not one to ask people like this…but this is my situation…” I wanted them to see me as an equal to them, who was just in a sticky situation. But no. I was humiliated and brought to tears when I ended up having to walk to a nearby thrift shop and ask the lady at the front desk for the dollar. If you wanted to know, I did end up getting the dollar… it just took a few seconds of crying and then fumbling over the words, “Mam, …um…this is my situation..and…can I pleeaassee borrow a dollar?” She smiled at me, got me some tissues and then compassionately handed me over the dollar. (The best dollar received in my life :)).

Being reminded of how I felt that day, I am reminded of what my friend Nester must have felt. When I was treated as “one of those beggers”, and looked upon as an object rather than Megan Hall with a real story and a real sticky situation I felt the realness of it. How did Nester feel today? The humiliation in the need to ask for help, and to talk to a counselor about not having the finances. Could she have felt the same way and I missed it? Forgive me God for looking at her as an object like the people in the cars looked down upon me. Forgive me for not really seeing her tears, feeling her pain and actually putting myself in her shoes. I have tasted what that feels like. Probably only in the smallest amount…but I remember how not fun and uncomfortable it was. And if I really am not allowed to give her any money as a USP student…How can I adequately say, “How can I be praying for you?”


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The above thoughts and events ties in pretty adequately with the material we have been reading out of our current book titled Compassion by Henri Nouwen. Although the first 3 chapters that we have read line up with the topic of having compassion and living in solidarity with others, specifically what happened reminds me of what Nouwen writes on page 29:

“When we begin to see God, the source of all our comfort and consolation, in the center of servanthood, compassion becomes much more than doing good for unfortunate people. Radical servanthood, as the encounter with the compassionate God, takes us beyond the distinctions between wealth and poverty, success and failure, fortune and bad luck.”

The label “Unfortunate people” reminded me how my first reaction to Nester asking me for money was viewing her as an object and as much as I wouldn’t want to be quick to admit it, another needy African asking a mzungu for money. In class today, I was reminded further of how white people are viewed in Africa and the reason behind Ugandans asking whites for money for school fees. Mark Bartels quoted:

“10% of school children are sponsored by some white in the states or even elsewhere, so why wouldn’t they be drawn to ask you for money? They are “magically” receiving funds from the west and only know that a stranger white person who has money is providing the funds.”

Hopefully I don’t just take what happened today, and the remembrance of how I actually felt in the same situation and leave it as an experience. Is it possible to allow it to change my perception of people not just in Uganda but with people back home as well? With this question on mind, I am also learning that compassion is living in solidarity with others, and constantly putting yourself in others shoes. Nouwen would say that you can’t have compassion without community as all of chapter 4 is dedicated to this convincing point. Through this experience, I am reminded that compassion isn’t solving ones problems, but treating others how I would want to be treated, living in solidarity with others, and being moved to hearing them out and simply being present on an equal level vs. some sort of hierarchy level of greater power than others.


Henri J. M. Nouwen. Compassion A Reflection on the Christian LIfe. (2008)

Mark Bartels in Faith and Action class. (3/15/10) Class discussion on Compassion book chapter 4.