Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Quiting Points -
"Because God chooses us to be his hands and feet, Satan wants to do all he can to destroy us. He makes us want to quit." - Wayne Cordeiro
Today Wayne Cordeiro came and spoke at our Chapel service at NCU. He spoke on our quiting points in our lives. As this was perfect timing, I was thinking about this in my life. Lately I have been struggling through as season in life of feeling super discouraged and have been allowing all the things that Satan knows gets at me tear me down, leaving me sitting. It makes me want to do nothing but the minimum and be isolated and sleep. I have been pushing through this season wondering why I am falling into this roller coaster life of emotions. Through talking to friends about feeling so down, and unloved, unworthy, and an "outcast" where ever I go at times... to seeing counselors... to considering depression pills or vitamins to level out the chemicals in my brain, I didn't know why I was feeling like this and letting myself be so tossed up in confusion.
All I knew and would scream in my head was, "I WANT OUT!". I don't know how else to explain it, but that I felt like I was fighting this big thing that in reality wasn't really there. It hurt. It sucked. It ruined me from living life and interacting with people. It was not me.
Although it has not even been a week since I started feeling done with discouragement...I honestly believe that God is healing me completely. Through my times of crying out to him in question and confusion and hurt, I am noticing his rescue daily.
He has shown me the Truth and light of the emotional trap I was falling into...
He brought to light the reality of me going to Africa in 49 days for a whole semester! If you don't know me that well, this has been my only dream that I have had since like the 7th grade. I am not one who has their life planned out to the tee with the job that I want to have, or even the future besides doing something in Africa... not that anyone really does. But I a lot of times feel more clueless than most. However, thats besides the point..The point is that Africa is the only vision that I can firmly say is from God, even though I don't know why and how he is going to use me there, and because its a vision, Satan has been destroying my confidence upon going through drawing my attention inward.
God has also been revealing to me repetively through books, people, sermons (Wayne Cordeiro) that Satan will do eveything he can do keep me from pursuing my dream...or upon going, destroying any confidence or opened eyes to a future after this Africa step. Satan desires me to do the bare minimum. He wants me to not dream on. He wants me to just go to Africa and come back unaffected....untouched by the people, and unwilling to do anything in response to my time there. He wants me to leave my heart at home and not follow it. He wants me to believe all the lies.
"The Devil is defeated but not stupid. He knows exactly where to puncture your heart, to get you and keep you down. He can't get at Jesus... So he gets to his kids." - Wayne Cordeiro
I am done falling into discouraging emotional traps of the Devil! My God is my strength and I can't let Satan take over my life any longer. Even if I fall, he is capable of picking me back up and reminding me of what he really thinks of me. I have absolutely no clue as to what I am going to be doing for God in my future. But I don't want to miss what he is calling me in today or even the next through believing Satan's lies. In reality my life is soooooo good right now! And I am sooo blessed!
Just to name a few: I am going to an amazing school right now :). I have an awesome family with awesome parents :). I have amazing friends and still being blessed with more where ever I go :). I can run where ever and when ever I want to :). I am going to Africa :). I can read my Bible and actually hear and feel God nudging at my heart :). I am going to be an aunt soon :). I have no medical problems (minus weird tail bone injuries that just make me laugh) :P And even if circumstances don't go well and are at their worst, I can still have a Godly deep joy that exceeds all of my understanding (Philippeans) :) How much better can life get on earth?!?
Thanks be to God, my hope, joy and constant savior. :)